Life Lessons 2010 – a work in progress..

1. 1. Happiness is temporary, and it is meant to be, so that it is appreciated when it comes.
2. Not everyone will like you, but thats okay. It doesn’t decrease you one bit. It decreases them.
3. Just because I think its perfect, or right, or true.. doesn’t mean that it is. Or if it is, it may not be so for everyone.
4. There are people who will believe what they want to believe.. and nothing you can say or do will alter their thinking. We have been given numerous examples of them in all the religious texts.. Still, do your part. But stop when you realize that you are not being heard. At that point, arguing becomes for the sake of argument and the lesson is lost.
5. Not every lesson is meant for everyone. Some people will not understand and may not be meant to understand. Everyone plays the role they are meant to play.
6. You should never give up and never give in. Do everything you possibly can.. but in the end, let go and let God.
7. Appreciate everyone. Even the worst of people can teach us valuable lessons in how to live, how not to live, and how not to become that which we despise. Everything and everyone is a lesson, directly or indirectly. The person you hate could be sacrificing their happiness for yours.. you just don’t know.
8. Love never dies. Period. Selfish love will die, because the person loves themselves more than they love the other. True love lasts.
9. Sometimes the people we care about most in life are taken from us too soon. But there is a plan and a purpose to every meaningful encounter.
10. We are all intertwined and interconnected, somewhere, somehow.. even if we never realize it. Our lives are a mesh that hold each and every one of us together. That is why selfishness is so destructive. It causes a rip and de-stabilizes the whole. Everyone is important. Everyone.
11. Some people come into our lives like a tornado.. appearing out of nowhere, causing destruction, then disappearing leaving us to clean up the mess.. to rebuild. Forgive them anyway.
12. When I thought I knew what love was, God took it away and gave me a greater love. I thought I knew what pain was, but God took away that greater love and gave me a greater pain. I’ve come to understand and accept that I know nothing; and will never again claim knowledge.
13. Never compromise your principles. Honor is not subjective nor is it temporary or specific to time and place. Honor is always. It is when times are most difficult that our principles should come into play. Nothing is more important.
14. Sometimes its okay to be angry. But its never okay to be cruel.
15. Cruelty from loved ones is painful.. but their silence is worse.
16. Sometimes “I’m Sorry” is inadequate.. even an insult at times. Say it anyway.
17. .
18. …

A Letter You Will Never Read

.….. I feel myself slowly dying.

I hate this feeling. I hate this lack of control over my emotions.

I hate that I pick up my phone every two minutes to see if you had texted.. or maybe called. Even though I know there will be nothing there.

There are moments when I think I’m okay.. that I can handle it.. and I go about my day. I keep myself busy at work, with my family, watching tv… But as soon as I am by myself, as soon as I am left with my thoughts, I find myself sobbing uncontrollably. To the point that I can’t even see through my tears. I don’t even feel these tears coming.. they just burst forth from someplace so, so deep within me.

I realize that I love you from that place.. a place I never knew existed nor do I know how to get to on my own. You are more than my mirror, my kindred soul.. you are the echo of myself. It took this pain, this sorrow, to get me there.

I miss you so much.

Its like my closest and best friend has died. I know I have to go through this mourning.. this pain. I know and accept that I will be sad. And sometimes angry. But mostly sad. There is a deep, dark hollowness within my core. It leaves me restless.. anguished.. waiting.. But what am I waiting for? There is nothing to wait for.

I ask myself questions I already know the answers to.

Why did you leave me?

Why didn’t you fight for me?

Why aren’t we together?

Why aren’t you calling me?

Why is this so unfair?

Why..?

Why…..?

Why……..?

There are so many why’s.

I know this will get easier over time. Experience teaches us that we heal. Time heals all wounds, they say.

There are times when I can’t wait for time to heal me, to help me forget..

And then there are times when I don’t want to forget.. when I want to hold on to this pain forever; as if I am holding on to you forever.

I want to hate you.

I want to forget you.

Pretend you never existed.

.

.

.

No, I don’t.

I can’t.

Its impossible.

O’ Precious Soul

- A message of advise from Fathers to their Daughters..

“O’ precious soul, you ‘know’ what you must do…
We both do.
For your dignity, dearest, for your health.
We both know what you ‘must’ do.
But you’re a girl—and thus, inwardly, you rarely think of you.
You run on empty to nurture everything around you.
You thrive when others are nourished by you.
You’re fulfilled when others are filled through you. 

You’re magical!
Everything about you is! Everything.

You just need my help to confirm for you
what you already know; though you would sooner doubt it.
For acting upon it…  means that you will no longer be able to give.
But worse—that you will no longer be needed…
but I promise you, dearest, it only ‘seems’ to be so.

For that, you need, through me, to find your courage
to do what you already know you must…

Strange and, indeed, lowly, this earthly life, dearest.
The more we seek it,
the more we seek solace and stability within it,
the more it alienates us from itself—
As if it insists on reminding us, at almost every turn, of its transience.
Apparently, some of us get more reminders;
and those, it stands to reason,
would have a higher threshold for chaos—for pain…
for their ultimate sustenance is in the Sustainer of the world.

Through my ear and my heart,
you need to resolve to take care of you, dearest;
to firmly do what you already know you must…
You need me to help you
protect what is most precious about you.”

~ Shaykh Abdullah Adhami

Reminders.

Last night I was thinking to myself that sometimes, there really is no one to talk to; no one who could possibly understand… and even God is strangely silent.

As I was driving to work this morning.. I was struck by the beauty of the world surrounding me. There was an explosion of color all around; reds, oranges, yellows… this really is a beautiful time of year. There was a gentle breeze that would carry the leaves into sometimes a waltz, other times a whirling dervish-like kind of dance, and then they would gently fall to the ground.  It was truly a silent symphony nature was conducting right in front of me.

But before I could reach the end of my smile, I was hit with a stark realization: the beauty that I was witnessing… was death. Those leaves were dying. And it was beautiful.  And as I drive that way to my job every day, God willing, I will witness the continuation of this death, and then the coming back to life. And the trees will be bigger and lusher and more abundant in the spring.

Reminders. Right in front of my eyes.

My thoughts then took me on a journey:

There is death.. and there is re-birth.

There is pain.. and there is joy. My pain may be someone else’s joy.

There is loss.. and there is gain. My loss may be someone else’s gain.

Who am I to always want to have the joy and the gain all the time?

There are times when we feel we’ve lost the love of our lives.. but then we meet someone who makes us realize that we never even knew what love really was.

We may lose something that we think can never be replaced.. but then we gain something monumentally better.

Reminders.

Showing me that it is only through the combination of joy and pain that we can truly know anything about ourselves and our destiny; that it is the only way to learn what we should avoid and what we need to do to grow. That we must indeed accept disappointment while realizing that it is finite. But there is infinite hope. That “Sadness is but a wall between two gardens” (Khalil Gibran). Does that mean that we shouldn’t be sad or feel pain? No. It means we should see it and accept it for what it is. Another blessing from our Creator.

God is never silent. Even when I choose to be deaf.

Last Friday I dropped my father off at the airport. He hugged me and said to me, “Don’t worry. God is with you.”

Not long before that, a rare gem of a man who has dedicated his life to doing God’s work was sent to me. Yes, sent to me. And he gave me words of wisdom and healing.

No, God is never silent.

The Queen That She Is..

“Love is like a mirror. When you love another you become his mirror and he becomes yours…And reflecting each other’s love you see infinity.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

photo captured by Delinda Lombardo. (facebook group: San Diego Sunsets)

A good woman makes a good man better.. she elevates him and esteems him; honors him and respects him; overlooks his faults and hides them from others, knowing that he is working on improving himself.. all the while giving him peaceful comfort in her arms.
He, in turn, treats her like the queen that she is.

She is strong on her own and doesn’t deplete his strength by leaning on him too much or too often.
She is WOMAN: able, capable, strong, unique, dependable, reliable, trustworthy, kind, comforting, nurturing, enticing, sensual, inspiring…
He, in turn, adds to what she already is.

She offers solace when the world is harsh.
She offers kindness when the world is mean.
She offers peace when the world is demanding.
She becomes his world when the world turns against him.
He, in turn, becomes her world.. and together, they become one.

She is his anchor when the sea is raging
She is his sails when the wind stops blowing
She is his moonlight and sunlight when the clouds are threatening
She is his compass when the way is unclear
She is his bow & arrow when the path is uncertain

In the bitterness of winter, she is his warmth
In the heat of summer, she becomes the cooling breeze
In the harshness of the sun, she is his shade
In his journey through the parched desert floors, she quenches his thirst

A good woman is beautiful – not in her outward appearance, but in her ability to make a man better in every way.
When there is darkness, she brings him light.
When there is insecurity, she reminds him of his strength.
When there is hopelessness, she shows him God.

All I Saw Was You

From the instant that I looked into your eyes
I felt a sense of completion
.. the culmination of all my hopes and dreams
A surreal moment that can never be captured
not in words
not in a photograph
.. just barely in a memory

In that moment, my thoughts and dreams – my fantasies, spoke only your language
.. the dialects of a thousand tongues converged into one

I wanted to fall to my knees before you
And immerse myself into your being in complete surrender
I wanted to melt with you.. and in you
..and become, with you, all that you would be..
.. all that you could become.

Yet I had to keep my distance
and I had to keep my silence

But how can one experience such beauty of existence..
and not be able to touch it?
How can a being experience such joy.. such release..
and not be permitted  to become one with it?
I was being asked not to breathe
.. when it is air that sustains me
Asked not to drink
.. when my thirst begs for quenching
Like a drifter lost at sea
.. marking the passage of time by the rings within my heart

In disappointed agony, I gazed again into the depth of your eyes as
they reflected the moon..
And in that instant of time
I received clarity in my contemplation..
..  in your eyes I saw immortality.

I was then at peace when reminded of the promise of eternal souls
that fly into the night
and experience the joy of everlasting bliss.

The night enveloped us into its comforting solace
A dark and velvety, soothing embrace
Everything and everyone around us became a distant murmur..
.. a vague silhouette.

As the minutes passed unnoticed..
..turning into hours.
They could have turned into days..
.. time had no meaning.
All I saw was you.

Why love..?

Why love if losing hurts so much?..

 

… because to Love is absolute, to lose is conditional.

I See Forever..

I love this man..

.. with all my heart and soul. When I look into his eyes, I see forever.
The quiet intensity sets me ablaze yet brings me peace simultaneously.

I love him for who he is.. for who I am with him
I miss him every moment he is away..

He is my past, for I knew him then
He is my present, for I know him now
He is my future.. for I will know him eternally

Because of him,
   I now know love
   I now know life

He is my reflection.. my very being
He is a part of me that I knew was missing yet didn’t know where to look
And then he found me.
I knew that I had been searching for him all my life

I look into his eyes and I say:
“I have waited all my life to fall in love with you“
He gently looks back into mine, and softly whispers:
“I’ve waited all my life to find you because I knew I was in love with
you this whole time.“

Shelter from the Storm

As I look above me into the angry sky

And I hear the dark rage of thunder

Bolts of lightning pierce the heavens

And vicious winds blow the leaves asunder

 

I am frightened by fierce clouds attacking each another

It feels as if I am right there in their midst

They boil with a vengeance I cannot comprehend

Leaving my body immobile – wanton – transfixed

 

I turn to God and I pray for shelter

From the fury I alone cannot possibly escape

Because I’ve tried to run and I’ve tried to hide

But all I saw was Fear in its ominous shape

 

Then I close my eyes for I want to see no more

And I run inside, seeking refuge and protection

Yet I still hear the howling wind outside my window

And I ask myself.. Is this God’s way of manifesting rejection?

 

Again.. the thunder explodes and pierces the night

Violent flashes reveal haunting silhouettes in the dark

Eeriness seeps in through my window pane

Reminding me that I am alone.. once again..

 

A Place Down Yonder

Take me to a place down yonder

Where there are endless fields

And yellow daffodils

Where butterflies play

And mantises pray

Where the sun dares shine

Despite the deliberately blind

 

Take me to a place where I can wander

Aimlessly

Where there is no limit

To the time of day

And one needs not worry

What next to say

Extend your hand and lead me

And with your knowledge feed me

For wisdom knows no bounds

Where only nature surrounds

 

Enliven my spirit, enrich my soul

Encompass my life as one big whole

Take me where no being has gone before

Take me where there is always an open door

 

Take me to the other side of the rainbow

Then set me free to go

Where everything is as it first will seem

Where one may dream the impossible dream

 

Take me to a place down yonder

Where solitude is not labeled squander

Where the meadows are green

And the air is clean

Where joy knows no barrier

And man knows no fear

Where the water is crystal clear

Where love overflows

And the wind softly blows

 

Where a little blue jay will land on my arm

And when I move to touch it

Will not fly away with alarm

 

Where sadness is never felt

And only tears of happiness are shed

Where no one has heard of a broken heart

Where there is no need for a brand new start

 

Take me to a place down yonder

A place you know only too well

And when you take me there.. leave me

Where nature will never deceive me